with your own penis?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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