I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
