he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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