he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize