at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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