shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
