Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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