hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
