Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize