i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize