spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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