glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
