i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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