Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
