My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The Olympian is in my bed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
