I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize