I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
