Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
