woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
