I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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