lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
