just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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