Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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