well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
