Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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