i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
