I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
