i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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