Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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