did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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