Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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