We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
