You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
