dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
