I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
