didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
