His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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