It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
