i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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