I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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