Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
