he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
