im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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