you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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