You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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