Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
