Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
