im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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