the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
