He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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