my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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