I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
