the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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