Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
