is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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