he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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