yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize