Just mADE A PArabola og urine
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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