1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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