I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
