that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
