All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need a beard to bite.
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