I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
