I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
