I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
