I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize