If that was your dad, he is hot
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
