and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
