I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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