Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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