Don't you send me to vm
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
