i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Congratulations! We have a period
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