One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
