I wish life had little blips of pornography
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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