i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
