Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
