You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Only a mothe r could love this liver
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
