you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize