go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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