Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And then he peed in my hair
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