It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
