Too much gin, very little bucket
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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