She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
