So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
