You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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