how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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