how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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