so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
