You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
