you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
