if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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