I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
