When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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