This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
