i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize