Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
