I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
