he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize