My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
