Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
