...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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