ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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