Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
