At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
