So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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