there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pants are for mortals
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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