He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to calm my uterus...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
