I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
